Romance Scam: How Fraudsters Build Trust and Ask for Money

How a romance scam unfolds

A romance scam is a fraud in which a criminal builds a fake romantic or friendship relationship online, then uses that trust to ask for money. Contact usually starts on a dating app, on social media or through a messaging service, sometimes with a wrong-number text or a friend request.

The scammer often claims to work abroad or in a job that makes meeting or video calls difficult. The relationship develops quickly, with affection, personal stories and talk of a future together. Only after trust is established do the money requests begin. A related pattern, which adds a fake investment app, is the pig butchering scam.

Typical money requests and red flags

Emergencies: a hospital bill, a family crisis or legal costs.
Travel: airfare or visa fees to visit you, or to get out of a difficult situation.
Transfers: asking you to send money through your bank, a transfer service or to another person's account.
Gift cards or crypto: asking for gift card codes, or for you to buy crypto and send it on.
Investments: suggesting a “guaranteed” opportunity they can help you join.

Other red flags include reluctance to meet or video call, excuses that always appear when you ask for proof, pressure to keep the relationship secret and requests that grow bigger over time. Be especially careful if you are asked to receive money for someone else, which can make you a money mule without realising it.

How friends and family can help

Victims are often embarrassed and may defend the person who is scamming them. Blaming them usually pushes them further away. Instead, express concern calmly and ask questions that help them see the pattern, such as whether they have met the person, or whether they have checked the photos with a reverse image search.

Encourage them to talk to their bank before sending more money, and to report the profile to the platform and to the police or national fraud reporting service. If money has already been sent, follow the steps in what to do if you have been scammed, and be aware that recovery offers requiring an upfront fee are often a second scam.

Frequently asked questions

How do I know if an online relationship is a romance scam?

Be cautious if someone you have never met quickly declares strong feelings, avoids video calls or meetings, and then asks for money or help with a transfer. Other warning signs include stories that change over time and requests for secrecy. A reverse image search on their photos can reveal copies taken from other people's profiles.

Can you recover money lost to a romance scam?

Recovery is difficult, and payments made by bank transfer or crypto are often hard to reverse. Contact your bank or card issuer immediately, because some card payments can be disputed and some transfers recalled if you act in time. Be very careful of anyone offering to recover funds for an upfront fee, since this is a common second scam.